tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-156254902024-03-07T19:48:52.880-08:00Best of What's AroundAnnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-69634981169838209932007-04-22T19:48:00.000-07:002007-04-22T19:49:44.697-07:00Try this one.....annalogically<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">dot</span></span>blogspot<span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >dot</span>comAnnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-29403322457923788522007-04-17T20:16:00.000-07:002007-04-17T20:18:08.626-07:00New BlogI began a new one, for those who care to look. It's annalogically@blogspotdotcom<br /><br />Feel free to visit. :)Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-47461561027588837612007-03-23T17:55:00.000-07:002007-03-23T19:29:59.851-07:00So What's the Rub?I hate it when I'm bothered by my emotional response to remnants of past experiences. My ex is now engaged, and my older son is going to go and live with him (four hours away). The move of my son is a sore enough subject that I don't want to blog about it right now, but I'm pissed at my ex. I don't even like saying that- 'my' ex. Like there's still some residual tie. Of course, we have two sons together, so yes, I know that will continue, but if I could have all remnants of him gone from my life, I'd be fine with it. Does that sound harsh? It does to me, but it's also true.<br /><br />Without a lot of detail, here's a summary of the pattern of our time together. He acts helpless, just sits and waits. I step in, do what needs to be done, sometimes well, other times not. He stands back and complains. Check out Aimee Mann's <span style="font-style: italic;">Driving Sideways</span> lyrics for a good view of this.<br /><br />After our divorce, I sought no alimony, just 'sharing' of the expenses that would be a part of raising our sons. Too vague, I know, but I wanted out. It was worth it. Over the last few years I've paid more than my share. I haven't been clear with him on how much, because he'd always complain about being 'broke.' His overtime had been cut, etc. Fine. I keep in mind how glad I am to be away from him and know that the time of me paying for my sons is nearing an end. I also know that this hasn't been the smartest thing for me to do, and I'm angry with myself over it.<br /><br />He's now gotten involved with a woman he'd been good friends with in high school. They're going to get married. He's deliriously in love (hey, I can relate) and just moved back to his hometown. <span style="font-style: italic;">That</span> part I like. He's getting a woman who loves his baseball team, makes a good living, is giving him her <span style="font-style: italic;">big truck</span>, has bought him a cell phone and has also just bought him a huge, fancy grill. On top of this, she gets to have one of my sons living with her. That's the part that hurts. The rest just pisses me off, and I've been trying to figure what bothers me the most about it.<br /><br />Is it that when our kids have needed things, he'd disagree that they needed them, or just shirk on the bills, saying he was barely making it?<br /><br />Is it that I wasn't assertive enough about that? I know that what's happening now taps into knowledge that I was kind of taken for a ride during my marriage. Kept my eyes closed to things that would be too painful to really, clearly see.<br /><br />Is it that he's apparently landed in a rose garden, and I don't feel he deserves it?<br /><br />Is it that I've been trying to hold things together here when all I've wanted for the past year and a half is to be able to greatly change my living situation, too?<br /><br />I was already bothered by this stuff (along with a whole related part which will eventually make its way into another blog entry), and then I get the coup de grace. His girlfriend apparently has a nice, big ring from him.<br /><br />.<br /><br /><br />That this bothers me, since I'm not a material person, is upsetting, and given the state of diamond mining, I'd rather have something else, anyway. It's not the ring that bothers me, it's two things associated with it. First, that he came up with the money for that when he's been so miserly with me. Second, bad memories associated with the scene of our going to get mine when we were engaged. Suffice it to say that the only reason he was purchasing one at that time was that he wanted guys at college to stay away. Silly me, I was expecting it to be a romantic, loving experience, and all he did was to complain about the cost and buy the cheapest one he could get away with. Looking back, it was a sign of things to come that I <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> should have noted.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-8938103715480660452007-02-14T14:04:00.000-08:002008-12-10T17:18:02.539-08:00Thank you Mr. Lincoln, Jack Frost and the Illinois State Legislature.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMXZQDBoiLGUvnb0A5gMb21ln2hcHnnliDdqxxsJoxZvY0siMeXQ-GLZVl4pQe3mU7b29q4H6oVwtgscxgzqIKKKAAjY5n7HiPauNjBK6FBAPzfiRUznebLyRTl0ZPewvaWDA9g/s1600-h/snowstorm.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 618px; height: 209px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMXZQDBoiLGUvnb0A5gMb21ln2hcHnnliDdqxxsJoxZvY0siMeXQ-GLZVl4pQe3mU7b29q4H6oVwtgscxgzqIKKKAAjY5n7HiPauNjBK6FBAPzfiRUznebLyRTl0ZPewvaWDA9g/s320/snowstorm.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031518361291471698" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;" ><span style="font-size:130%;">What began as a three-day weekend, with Monday off to celebrate Presidents' Day, turned into a long 5-day vacation, with no need to call in sick, make sub plans, etc., thanks to the perfect timing of a snowstorm that caused schools and about everything else in the area to shut down. I never really expected to be able to share a snow day with someone 1,100 miles away.</span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Now, if we could only get Casimir Pulaski Day off again.......<br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_zp8ivn-ANnx9FdrjCleOdsENAATcu5DzLgF8M-3hJnZyjAVQWJr_9B6rA4o_GoETiYGFquPbt7OZ1LRHYDJvh6ioSHPYSEfvBSGrwzDlLZ9msbTGiYq3aI-yrqnAgEQqtzkWcA/s1600-h/Illinoise.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_zp8ivn-ANnx9FdrjCleOdsENAATcu5DzLgF8M-3hJnZyjAVQWJr_9B6rA4o_GoETiYGFquPbt7OZ1LRHYDJvh6ioSHPYSEfvBSGrwzDlLZ9msbTGiYq3aI-yrqnAgEQqtzkWcA/s320/Illinoise.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031519228874865522" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1168889636787583332007-01-15T10:41:00.000-08:002007-01-15T16:42:52.050-08:00Freedom!Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, a day which will forever have beautiful connotations for me, memories of the best five days ever. This year, I've been going through<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>boxes and boxes and <span style="font-style: italic;">more</span> boxes. (Will they <span style="font-style: italic;">never</span> end?!) I can't begin to guess how many I've cleared out since moving here. Still have quite a few to go, but today marks the end of the 'jumble' boxes. You know (or maybe you don't, if you're lucky), the ones that hold odds and ends, often the last-minute effort of getting ready for company, or stacks of unfiled, undealt-with papers. On top of those, moving created quite a few more.<br /><br />I took the lid off of a big blue tub which I thought contained items belonging to my sons. They were mine, however, and there with an old clock, an envelope of stamps for my collection, a balsa wood airplane kit, some Wet Ones I obviously couldn't bear to part with, and a box of old cassettes, was a box containing the last of the mementoes of a love affair that ended badly. It was a relief to find it, as I've been wanting to throw its contents out for a year and a half, but I didn't know where it was and it wasn't worth the effort to look for it. I knew I'd run across it.<br /><br />Initially, the box had been larger, as had the relationship, which had swept me off of my feet. I had gotten divorced a few years before, and self-esteem at the end of that marriage was about as low as it could go. Having had no attention for years, the least little things seemed momentous, and by the time I met (let's call him... ) 'Bob,' I was all ready for a decent man who worshiped me. Hey! Who wouldn't be? We spent a year together, broke up on our anniversary, and I fell apart emotionally. After years of being anchorless, a lifetime of feeling alone, that relationship had been a rock to me. Painfully, I kept going, building a life on my own, learning new things about myself and appreciating the things I had already known. Almost from the beginning of that end, I realized that I had not seen Bob as he really was, but had taken the image he projected. Even knowing that, though, I found it impossible to really move past the rejection, wondering how I could have been more perfect. I was spending great time with my sons, riding my bike about 20 miles daily, and enjoying good times with friends, but that monster of fear stayed in my head.<br /><br />One day, fed up with myself for continuing to give a damn about what he'd thought of me and beating myself up, I called my friend Alexandra. She knew the story and listened as I described my frustration at not being able to put it all behind me. She asked me one question that changed my life. 'What are his redeeming qualities?' 'His <span style="font-style: italic;">what</span>?' (For someone who considers herself relatively literate, this question stumped me.) 'His redeeming qualities. What qualities about him are <span style="font-style: italic;">worth this</span>?' Standing stock-still , next to a wall of canned soups in the grocery store, I thought about it. I couldn't come up with anything. I kept thinking about it for a couple of days, the end result being an answer of 'nothing.' Every characteristic I came up with that had been one I had really admired had either been proven false, or they were things I had found in myself and could provide on my own. And that was all it took. No more hidden moping, no more held-back tears, no more self-loathing.<br /><br />I'd put the trinkets and symbols of our times together in a box upon our break-up. Now I found the box, having intentionally stuck it away somewhere I wouldn't run across it, and began throwing things out. The contents dwindled to fit a shoebox. There were a few things that stumped me. Photographs. I felt easily able to throw them out, but would that be a rash act that I'd regret later in life? Were there none I would want later? Into the shoebox they went. Some stones, both a red and a white heart-shaped one, and some from various outings were added. One of those European toys you make circles with, which have a string attached to some figures above a thin board weighted to a ball underneath, in this case causing two lovebirds to kiss. I would have gotten rid of that, too, but I felt bad, as it's signed by some Eastern European who probably earned a whole 50 cents for his time. Also a 'celery dish' that was a joke. I figured I would throw the stones into a lake and I'd find a home for the lovebirds. The photos I would deal with later, and the celery dish....well, I hoped something funny would occur to me. I threw out the cards and letters. Some friends had suggested burning them, but that seemed to lend more importance than they deserved.<br /><br />Meanwhile, I began life again, and better than ever before.<br /><br />Fast-forward to today, and the open box. I was so happy to see those things, so I could finally dispose of them. I kept three photos: a funny one of a sign, one of myself that I liked, and a cool one I took of my feet on a beach. The rest I tore in half, with a calm smile on my face. I'm keeping two of the rocks I particularly liked. How can I not appreciate the beauty of nature contained therein? So far not disposed of are the lovebirds and the heart-shaped rocks. And the celery dish. I'm thinking it could be a fun combination of things to put on Ebay, if done in the right way. More likely, I'll just throw them out, too.<br /><br />I owe my friend Alexandra a lot.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1166649103926787172006-12-20T12:56:00.000-08:002006-12-20T20:52:44.500-08:00boring knee talkI had surgery yesterday. Arthroscopy for a torn meniscus. It's affected me more than I thought it would. More pain, and then I threw up this morning, I guess from the Vicodin. The orthopaedist called me a bit ago, though, and is giving me another prescription, plus one for nausea, so as soon as I can get my son back here to pick it up for me, I'll be just ducky. The doc said that my knee showed more wear and tear than he had expected, and he shaved quite a bit off, behind my patella. That may be part of why it hurts so much. Oh well, I'm glad I had it done.<br /><br />One of the good things to come out of this is the love and care that has been shown to me by loved ones. One dear one tried to work it out to fly here to care for me (and drink a few margaritas, I suspect!), another came by here at 6 to take me to the hospital and then picked me up again after. My sons spent hours sitting there for me, and they've been absolutely wonderful about doing things for me, running errands, helping me clean up after I puked. True love, I'll tell you. It's a beautiful thing.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1166132657432451682006-12-14T13:34:00.000-08:002006-12-14T13:44:17.476-08:00And so it resumes.So much happening. Has been. Will be. Hopefully this will be the beginning of regular writing, again. I pretty much stopped the writing for two reasons. First, I was so overwhelmed with things going on that I had no time nor energy to spare to do so. Secondly, I probably would have felt the urge to rhapsodize about my sweetie, and that didn't seem a wise course of action in a beginning relationship. 'Hi, hon! Check out my blog! I love you. You love me. Now I'm going to analyze things in public. :smooch:'<br /><br />Now, I've taken care of a lot of things that were weighing on me. I have a couple more things to do, but I'm feeling good about getting them done in the next couple of weeks. Regarding my second reason for avoiding opening up my thoughts, well....things are good. Beautiful, even. The things that were worrying me in the first few months aren't an issue any more, so I have no need to spill my guts about it. Therefore, it's safe to go back into the water again.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1159394460136009222006-09-27T15:00:00.000-07:002006-09-27T15:01:00.163-07:00Hmmm......What to write?Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1157422132351237712006-09-04T19:02:00.001-07:002006-09-04T19:08:52.353-07:00The Life I Want to Live<span style="color:#993399;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Sorting through some of the boxes from my move, deciding what to throw out, what to give away and what to keep, I ran across a list I made two years ago, entitled 'The Life I Want to Live.'</span><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Examined</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Compassionate</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Clear</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Connected</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Spiritual</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Healthy</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Disciplined</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Fun</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Surprising</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Interesting</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Honest</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Appreciated</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#993399;">Two years later, I'd say that those characteristics still cover it. :)</span></p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1157408425121263442006-09-04T15:19:00.000-07:002006-09-04T15:20:25.136-07:00SimplyLast night was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1156613069890042522006-08-26T10:10:00.000-07:002006-08-26T10:24:30.123-07:00Two in One Morning!<a href="http://trustmeimsane.blogspot.com/2006/08/some-food-for-thought.html"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#663366;"><em>Some Food for Thought</em></span></a><span style="color:#663333;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#333399;">I got this meme from Anica’s blog:</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">How do you like your eggs? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Soft-boiled, with a very runny middle, spread out over a buttered piece of toast. (No, I don’t do it in public.)</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;">How do you take your coffee/tea? </span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#663366;">Black and strong. I like lattes, but prefer the straight ones….espresso, no flavors. Tea, straight or with sugar.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;">Favorite breakfast food? </span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#663366;">A toasted bagel with cream cheese. And extra pulpy orange juice.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Peanut butter- Smooth or crunchy? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Extra Crunchy.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">What kind of dressing on your salad? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Bleu Cheese.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">You’re feeling lazy. What do you make? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Grilled cheese, preferably with sliced tomato in it.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;">You’re feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order? </span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#663366;">Leo’s stuffed crust, with mushroom and onion.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">You feel like cooking. What do you make? </span><span style="color:#663366;">I can’t pick any one thing. I like so many. </span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;">Do any foods bring back good memories? </span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#663366;">Turkish brings back the most wonderful, along with garlic mashed potatoes. And octopus.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Do any foods bring back bad memories? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Probably.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Do any foods remind you of someone? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Yes. Turkish, garlic mashed potatoes and octopus……. The Leo's pizza reminds me of my sons.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Is there a food you refuse to eat? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Kidneys. I'll give haggis one more try. Maybe.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">What was your favorite food as a child? </span><span style="color:#663366;">My mom made the most wonderful fish in a white sauce, flavored with white wine, over rice. I still salivate at the thought of it.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Is there a food that you hated as a child but now love? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Brussels sprouts.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;"> Is there a food that you loved as a child but now hate? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Nothing that stands out.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Favorite fruit & vegetable? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Fresh ripe peaches and asparagus, I guess.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Favorite junk food? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Hard to choose, I like so much. Cap’n Crunch. Twinkies. Snickers. Ben & Jerry’s Pistachio Pistachio. Pringles….. You see my dilemma.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Favorite between meal snack?</span><span style="color:#663366;"> To be healthy, I’ll forego the previous answers and say string cheese. It’s a life-saver.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Do you have any weird food habits? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Hmmmm…..I can’t think of any.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">You’re on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Grape tomatoes. String cheese. Fruit. </span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">You’re off your diet. Now what would you like? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Good bread</span><span style="color:#663366;">. With Nutella. And a hot fudge sundae, with vanilla ice cream, bananas, almonds and whipped cream. And a rare steak, with garlic mashed potatoes. And lamb chops. </span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#333399;">H</span><span style="color:#330099;">ow spicy do you order Indian/Thai? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Mild to medium.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Can I get you a drink? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Freshly-squeezed orange juice with peach schnapps, please. My very favorite, though, if I can only pick one, is a plain margarita, on the rocks, with lots of salt.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Red wine or white? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Yes.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#330099;">Favorite dessert? </span><span style="color:#663366;">Lots of them.</span></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The perfect nightcap? </span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="color:#993300;"><span style="color:#663366;">A kiss.</span><br /></span> </span></span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1156609145085084832006-08-26T09:13:00.000-07:002006-08-26T09:19:05.176-07:00ProtectionNo, not what may have come to your mind at first (or is that only because I'm around teenagers so much?)<br /><br />Over the last two years, I had gradually put on almost 25 pounds. The main reason, I believe, was to protect myself from the attention of those whose shallowness should lead them in other directions. I stopped my bike riding, I let go of my yoga, and I wasn't eating well. Yes, there was stress, etc., but by and large, it was to buffer myself.<br /><br />I guess the need to do that has disappeared, because in the last three months I've lost fifteen pounds, mostly without trying. I haven't done it for anyone else, either. I feel so much better.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1155952385881137252006-08-18T18:14:00.000-07:002006-08-18T18:53:05.923-07:00An Old Story....UpdatedI began this entry with the intention of getting out my feelings of sadness over the moving of my youngest son to college. It would have been brilliant, no doubt, but luckily I got some RP love in the nick of time.<br /><br />So, no moroseness. Maybe another time.<br /><br />Peace.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1155810753995356692006-08-17T03:17:00.000-07:002006-08-17T03:34:56.486-07:00Wuv. Twoo Wove.<span >Not much time, but I've been wanting to get back to this, so I'll start small.<br /><br />I've been musing on love. True, unconditional love. Experiencing it, I've had to realize how mistrusting of men's ability to honestly experience it I'd become over the last three years. I was going to say, men's ability to sustain it, but isn't that the point of true love? The real, this-is-not-infatuation love. I suppose it's normal to project unease from previous relationships onto a later one, to some extent, but it's sure not fair for my sweetie to have to pay for the sins of lesser men, so I'll stop.<br /><br />And thus leave myself wide open.<br /><br />Imagine what it will be like to look back, twenty years later, smile and know that it truly has been real, finally.<br /><br />Or is even saying this out loud a jinx?<br /><br />*deep breath*<br /><br />OK. Let go. You think this happens every day?</span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1138325681345974382006-01-26T17:24:00.000-08:002006-01-26T17:34:41.366-08:00Four Things Meme<span style="color:#330099;"><strong><em>Four Things Meme</em><br /></strong>I’ve been tagged by Hotski, and added in a category from Ali’s. Nothin’ but the best, here!<br /><br /><em>Four jobs I have had in my life:</em><br />Microfiche maker<br />Extraneous materials tester in a candy factory<br />Teacher<br />Cafeteria line for a semester </span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Four movies I would watch over and over:<br /></em>The Princess Bride<br />The Twilight Samurai<br />Can I count the entire Babylon 5 series as one?<br />The Lord of the Rings Trilogy </span><br /><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Four places I have lived:</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;">The only Oblong (thank FSM)<br />Springfield, IL, home of the Simpsons and all things Lincoln<br />Delta House (<em>not </em>a sorority!)<br />Santa Monica </span><br /><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Four TV shows I love to watch:</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;">I haven’t been watching much, but I guess I’d choose-<br />S-G1/Stargate/whatever it’s called<br />Battlestar Galactica<br />The Simpsons<br />The Daily Show</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em> Four places I have been on vacation:</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;">Morocco<br />The Adirondacks and Saratoga Springs and Manhattan (same trip)<br />Louisiana<br />Germany and Rome (ditto)</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Four websites I visit daily :</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;">Radio Paradise<br />My emails....well, some of them, usually....<br />Google images<br />Nancies.org (except for when I get behind, which is more than I’d like)<br /><br /><em>Four of my favorite foods:</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;">fresh naan<br />Fresh pineapple<br />Anything made with someone I love<br />Kozy Shack chocolate pudding<br /><br /><em>Four places I would rather be right now:</em><br />1,060 miles away<br />yes<br />yeah<br />yep </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#330099;">(oh, ok- Pretty much anywhere in Europe, or in Costa Rica or Quebec. <span style="font-size:78%;">And 1,060 miles away</span>.)</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Four albums I can’t live without (at least for the moment):<br /></em>The Garden State soundtrack<br />Fiona Apple’s Extraordinary Machine<br />Patty Griffin’s Impossible Dream<br />Cat Steven’s Greatest Hits<br /><br /><br /><em>Four bloggers I am tagging:</em><br />Erinn<br />Jennnn<br />Melanie<br />Edie<br /></span><br /></span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1138244599287368652006-01-25T18:40:00.000-08:002006-01-25T19:03:19.336-08:00A World of LoveYou know, life is funny - a goofy, loopy swirl, seen through the right lens. Ups and downs, losses and gains, but an upward spiral, overall.<br /><br />I've been away from my blog for a long time. I've missed it. I have so much I wanted to say, but I've been busy, and some of what I'd like to say, I can't. I started sending out my DQs again, yesterday. I got some nice responses from people who would have a right to be annoyed with me for my sporadic communications. I spent time Sunday with one of the dearest friends I've ever had. I got a PM this evening from a man I'll probably never meet (though I hold out hope!), who reads my blog and nudges me back in when I get too far out of the loop. (Thanks, Jay.)<br /><br />Love is a precious commodity in this world. It's not that it's rare, it's that we so rarely see even a smidgeon of what's there. Now, I must find a Hafiz to quote, as he knows so well what I am feeling.... OK. Done- This one will say it:<br /><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>It Felt Love</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>How Did the rose</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Ever open its heart</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>And give to the world</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>All its</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Beauty?</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>It felt the encouragement of light</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Against its</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Being.</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Otherwise,</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>We all remain</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Too</em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"><em>Frightened.</em></span><br /><br />Translated by Daniel Ladinsky, <em>The Gift</em><br /><br /><br /><br />I am so grateful for the abundance of loving, open people in my life.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1130682426488883802005-10-30T06:23:00.000-08:002005-10-30T06:33:53.913-08:007 Things Meme<span style="color:#663366;"><strong>Seven Things Meme.<br /></strong>I got this from the lovely <em>Melanie</em>.<br />It’s my first meme.<br /><br />7 Things I Can Do:</span><br /><span style="color:#663366;">1. Play piano and bassoon.<br />2. Camp.<br />3. Make the best chicken spaetzle soup you’ve ever had.<br />4. Make yoga accessible to a wide range of people.<br />5. Love unconditionally.<br />6. Jump into things. (It’s a talent.)<br />7. Give most excellent massages.<br />8. Laugh. (Yeah, I know.)</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#663366;">7 Things I Cannot Do:</span><br /><span style="color:#663366;">1. Speak German or French fluently, dammit.<br />2. Rollerblade.<br />3. Kayak. (on my list for next summer)<br />4. Cook Thai. (yet)<br />5. Swim the way one is supposed to, with my head down in the water.<br />6. Hit people.<br />7. Follow rules. See above.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#663366;">7 Things That Attract Me to the Opposite Sex:</span><br /><span style="color:#663366;">1. Brains.<br />2. Good with words.<br />3. Able to communicate well in a relationship, because one of us should be able to.<br />4. Honest, with others and with himself.<br />5. Openly physically appreciative. I really like to be touched.<br />6. Likes to cook.<br />7. Good sense of humour.<br />8. A strong social conscience.<br />9. Warm.</span><br /><span style="color:#663366;"></span><br /><span style="color:#663366;">7 Things That I Say Most Often:</span><br /><span style="color:#663366;">1. Hang on.<br />2. And WHY are you in the left lane???!!!!<br />3. Thank you.<br />4. Yes, please.<br />5. OK<br />6. I guess.<br />7. I love that song!</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#663366;">7 Celebrity Crushes:</span><br /><span style="color:#663366;">1. Tim Roth. (He was in this movie, where he played a prisoner who got out on work release. Totally fired my blood.)</span><br /><span style="color:#663366;">2. Sean Bean.<br />3. Viggo Mortensen. (These last two were pre-LOTR. Do I have good taste, or what?)<br />4. Steve Earle’s voice.<br />5. Patrick Fitzgerald.<br />hmmmm…..</span><br /><span style="color:#663366;">6. George Clooney is pretty sexy.<br />7. I could probably have some fun with Dave Matthews.<br /><br /><br />7 Things I Plan to do Before I Die:</span><br /><span style="color:#663366;">1. Rent a villa in Tuscany with a group of friends.<br />2. Hold many, many parties and gatherings.<br />3. Have a gas stove and a great kitchen. Not fancy, just a usable one, with room for everyone to congregate and enjoy.<br />4. Spend more time in Morocco.<br />5. Speak German fluently. (French would be good, too.)<br />6. Spend weeks and weeks and weeks in Europe.<br />7. See my sons happy and comfortable in their lives.<br /><br />7 People I Want to do This:</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><span style="color:#663366;">You. All of you.</span><br /></span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1130679772037597472005-10-30T05:29:00.000-08:002005-10-30T05:42:52.050-08:00Where to now, St. Peter?The final installment of my birthday trilogy. It's a new year for me. Where to go with it, what to focus on?<br /><br />1. Get back into really good shape, mainly with yoga over this winter, then back on my bike like I did in '04. Keep my eyes open for a good and affordable used bike.<br /><br />2. Write my teacher's manual.<br /><br />3. Write more letters.<br /><br />4. Find more outlets to teach yoga. Of all that I do, that gives me the most joy.<br /><br />5. Find another place to live.<br /><br />6. Entertain.<br /><br />7. Clear out, pare down.<br /><br />8. Do what I want to. Really want to.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1130622095404956422005-10-29T14:25:00.000-07:002005-10-29T14:41:35.423-07:00UpswingToday is better. It's a beautiful day outside, to begin with. I'm done with work, and after I finish this, I'm taking a walk to pick some leaves to mail to a few friends.<br /><br />This last week was tough. It reeked of death. I watched Hotel Rwanda five times, four with students and once with Matt. Then there was the obligatory accompanying research and discussion. The Iraq war death toll just from US soldiers, not counting the thousands and thousands of others dead, reached over 2,000. To end the death march, on Thursday evening I heard that a young woman who had gone missing from her college an hour away had been found, her body dumped and burned in an old chicken coop along I-55 in Mississippi. It turns out that she was the girlfriend of a former student of mine, with whose father I work. It was a dark, dark week.<br /><br />The birthday disappointment just came on the tail of that. I felt really alone Thursday, when I heard about the death. I didn't want to email someone, or chat about it. Didn't want to call anyone on the phone. I didn't even want to talk, I just wanted to cry and be held. Knowing that isn't possible right now gave me an ache.<br /><br />I need to say that I have wonderful friends. I have women and men in my life for whom I thank God every day. Some are physically close, some are far. The worst part about how I felt yesterday wasn't about my friends, it was about me, wondering if I was lacking as a friend. If not hearing from some of the people I love the most was a reflection on how I am with others I love.<br /><br />So anyway, it's another day.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1130554780758606422005-10-28T19:29:00.000-07:002005-10-28T19:59:40.770-07:00the 44thHappy Birthday to me. 44 years today.<br /><br />Today was actually kind of sucky, and I spent a part of it fighting off sadness. A confluence of issues have been weighing me down, and the approach of this birthday was an unknown variable. How would it be? I knew I wouldn't have my sons with me. My friends are too far or largely unavailable. Not that I called everyone I could have. In fact I only called one, but that's because the ones close have too much else going on and I knew better. I've been a little uncertain about the whole thing. My last two birthdays were fun. Good times, after a long time where my birthdays were not considered a big deal. Then this fall comes and I'm on my own re: sons, no lover and most friends gone or busy. I wasn't planning to sit around and be morose, though. Thought I might get a long massage, buy some music. Exciting, huh? A massage <em>would</em> have been good. Instead, yesterday afternoon, I ended up making plans to go out with two women I teach with. So, birthday night plans taken care of.<br /><br />I came home yesterday to find Sean and Matt pulling into the drive behind me. They'd been to the store to get charcoal, steaks, veggies, German chocolate cake fixings and a card and gift. Terrific, they are.<br /><br />I did hear from both of my parents, a good thing on a birthday. Got a card from one of my brothers yesterday, and an email from him today. Giftcard for WorldMarket, too, which I can't wait to spend. Didn't hear from any friends. Nada. That made the day drag by <em>so</em> slowly. It's not a fingerpointing, since I vary on how well I'm doing with others, myself. I just didn't expect a <em>complete</em> lack of any attention. When I got home, I saw that TerBear had made a thread for me, and that lightened my mood considerably. My evening out was great fun. Things to remember include me giving advice on which way to turn from the backseat. 'Yeah, it's a two-way.' ..... I really thought that second wine would be ok since I wasn't driving. It did, however, lead to the funniest situation I've been in for a long time, barring a certain canoe ride a couple of weeks ago. The fact that it was on a par with that says something about how much we laughed. We had a great dinner, good conversation and ended with a French film. It was a good night. And my day began with a note taped to my bathroom mirror, saying 'Happy birthday, Mom.' It was a good way to start my 45th year. I can take a flat middle sometimes, when the beginning and end are worth it. And it definitely left room for improvement next year. I'd hate to have such a great time that nothing else could ever come close. OK....I'd give it a try.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1130411724616024542005-10-27T04:07:00.000-07:002005-10-27T04:15:24.723-07:00Reste avec moi.I looked at his fingers, could feel them slide over my skin,<br />softly searching,<br />savoring touch.<br /><br />His hair curled softly along his nape,<br />my fingers knew their texture.<br /><br />I breathed in his scent,<br />smiling at this first knowledge.<br /><br />He talked,<br />and the words tumbled into my mind.<br /><br />He remembered,<br />and my being expanded.<br /><br />The night passed,<br />and his distance grew.<br /><br />Love offered and sidestepped,<br />mutely tendered and left to hang in the midnight air,<br />drifting through music to find a place to rest.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1129865157256823842005-10-20T19:19:00.000-07:002005-10-20T20:25:57.273-07:00A Year and a Half“Guess who I'm chatting with, Mom?”<br /><br />"Who?"<br /><br />"Erin."<br /><br />Stop.<br /><br />"Erin who?"<br /><br />"You know, Don's daughter."<br /><br />Keep folding.<br /><br />"You've had her AIM all of this time?"<br /><br />It's been a year and a half.<br />A year and a half and a lifetime.<br />A year and a half and a day.<br /><br />"I just remembered it."<br /><br />"That's some memory you have."<br /><br />"Yeah."<br /><br />It runs in the family.<br /><br />"I'm having trouble holding on to who I am."<br />He said.<br />I understand.<br />I always understand.<br /><br />I don't want to lose myself, either.<br />Getting to myself was hardwon.<br />A year and a half later, I've gotten back parts that I let go.<br />Funny how quickly that happened.<br /><br />I don't think I would do that now.<br />Two and a half years ago, it was so new to me.<br />I didn't feel like I had to be on guard.<br /><br />And I don't cut and run.<br /><br />I don't think it was about feeling lost.<br />That’s an easier excuse.<br /><br />It<br />was<br />about<br /><br />surrender<br /><br />trust<br /><br />acceptance<br /><br />believing.<br /><br />Easier to cut and run.<br /><br />Is it a fault or a grace to see the best parts of someone?<br />To see that the entirety is greater than the sum of the parts?<br />To love the parts because they formed the whole?<br /><br />Progression Regression<br /> Reversal <br /> Whole<br /> Gain in loss.<br /> Refinement in fire.<br /><br /> Love<br /> Laughter <br /> Joy<br /> Peace<br /><br />It's all here.<br /><br />I don't seek perfection, I seek what's real.<br /><br />I'm real.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1128871019412925722005-10-09T08:09:00.000-07:002005-10-09T08:16:59.420-07:00Ask Me Almost Anything, Pt. IIOK- Second Try:<br /><br />:-)<br /><br />You do 2 things:<br />1. Answer the following A-D for me.<br />2. Cut and paste this into your blog, to continue the game.<br /><br /><br />A. Recommend a book and tell me why:<br /><br />B. Recommend a movie and tell me why:<br /><br />C. Recommend a cd/album and tell me why (Can you tell I'm a teacher?) :<br /><br />D. Ask me anything, unless it would embarass another person:Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1128817189265250882005-10-08T17:18:00.000-07:002005-10-08T17:19:49.276-07:00A Cold Weather BonusLong hot showers.Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15625490.post-1127905430126715282005-09-28T03:52:00.000-07:002005-09-28T04:04:29.143-07:00Lucinda<span style="color:#330099;">I woke up this morning with a Lucinda Williams song filling my mind. "Something About What Happens When We Talk" It's a sweet song, wistful and bittersweet:</span><br /><br /><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">If I had my way I'd be in your town.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">I might not stay,</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">but at least I would've been around.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Cause there's something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Does this make sense?</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">It doesn't matter anyway.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Is it coincidence or was it meant to be?</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Cause there's something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Conversation with you was like a drug.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">It wasn't your face so much as it was your words.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Cause there's something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Well I can't stay round, cause I'm going back south.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">But all I regret now is I never kissed your mouth.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Cause there's something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Cause there's something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;">Something about what happens when we talk.</span></em><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#330099;">Then the alarm went off and 'Heart" came on, screaming 'Magic Man,' piece of mania that it is. It takes me back to summers in high school, waxing the upstairs floors of my grandparents' farmhouse, blasting the radio. 'Barracuda' and 'Magic Man' must have been played hourly, and I liked them, as they fit all of that teen angst I had.</span><br /><span style="color:#330099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#330099;">I like Lucinda better.</span>Annahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17901679994301788219noreply@blogger.com5