Sunday, October 30, 2005

7 Things Meme

Seven Things Meme.
I got this from the lovely Melanie.
It’s my first meme.

7 Things I Can Do:

1. Play piano and bassoon.
2. Camp.
3. Make the best chicken spaetzle soup you’ve ever had.
4. Make yoga accessible to a wide range of people.
5. Love unconditionally.
6. Jump into things. (It’s a talent.)
7. Give most excellent massages.
8. Laugh. (Yeah, I know.)


7 Things I Cannot Do:
1. Speak German or French fluently, dammit.
2. Rollerblade.
3. Kayak. (on my list for next summer)
4. Cook Thai. (yet)
5. Swim the way one is supposed to, with my head down in the water.
6. Hit people.
7. Follow rules. See above.


7 Things That Attract Me to the Opposite Sex:
1. Brains.
2. Good with words.
3. Able to communicate well in a relationship, because one of us should be able to.
4. Honest, with others and with himself.
5. Openly physically appreciative. I really like to be touched.
6. Likes to cook.
7. Good sense of humour.
8. A strong social conscience.
9. Warm.


7 Things That I Say Most Often:
1. Hang on.
2. And WHY are you in the left lane???!!!!
3. Thank you.
4. Yes, please.
5. OK
6. I guess.
7. I love that song!


7 Celebrity Crushes:
1. Tim Roth. (He was in this movie, where he played a prisoner who got out on work release. Totally fired my blood.)
2. Sean Bean.
3. Viggo Mortensen. (These last two were pre-LOTR. Do I have good taste, or what?)
4. Steve Earle’s voice.
5. Patrick Fitzgerald.
hmmmm…..

6. George Clooney is pretty sexy.
7. I could probably have some fun with Dave Matthews.


7 Things I Plan to do Before I Die:

1. Rent a villa in Tuscany with a group of friends.
2. Hold many, many parties and gatherings.
3. Have a gas stove and a great kitchen. Not fancy, just a usable one, with room for everyone to congregate and enjoy.
4. Spend more time in Morocco.
5. Speak German fluently. (French would be good, too.)
6. Spend weeks and weeks and weeks in Europe.
7. See my sons happy and comfortable in their lives.

7 People I Want to do This:

You. All of you.

Where to now, St. Peter?

The final installment of my birthday trilogy. It's a new year for me. Where to go with it, what to focus on?

1. Get back into really good shape, mainly with yoga over this winter, then back on my bike like I did in '04. Keep my eyes open for a good and affordable used bike.

2. Write my teacher's manual.

3. Write more letters.

4. Find more outlets to teach yoga. Of all that I do, that gives me the most joy.

5. Find another place to live.

6. Entertain.

7. Clear out, pare down.

8. Do what I want to. Really want to.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Upswing

Today is better. It's a beautiful day outside, to begin with. I'm done with work, and after I finish this, I'm taking a walk to pick some leaves to mail to a few friends.

This last week was tough. It reeked of death. I watched Hotel Rwanda five times, four with students and once with Matt. Then there was the obligatory accompanying research and discussion. The Iraq war death toll just from US soldiers, not counting the thousands and thousands of others dead, reached over 2,000. To end the death march, on Thursday evening I heard that a young woman who had gone missing from her college an hour away had been found, her body dumped and burned in an old chicken coop along I-55 in Mississippi. It turns out that she was the girlfriend of a former student of mine, with whose father I work. It was a dark, dark week.

The birthday disappointment just came on the tail of that. I felt really alone Thursday, when I heard about the death. I didn't want to email someone, or chat about it. Didn't want to call anyone on the phone. I didn't even want to talk, I just wanted to cry and be held. Knowing that isn't possible right now gave me an ache.

I need to say that I have wonderful friends. I have women and men in my life for whom I thank God every day. Some are physically close, some are far. The worst part about how I felt yesterday wasn't about my friends, it was about me, wondering if I was lacking as a friend. If not hearing from some of the people I love the most was a reflection on how I am with others I love.

So anyway, it's another day.

Friday, October 28, 2005

the 44th

Happy Birthday to me. 44 years today.

Today was actually kind of sucky, and I spent a part of it fighting off sadness. A confluence of issues have been weighing me down, and the approach of this birthday was an unknown variable. How would it be? I knew I wouldn't have my sons with me. My friends are too far or largely unavailable. Not that I called everyone I could have. In fact I only called one, but that's because the ones close have too much else going on and I knew better. I've been a little uncertain about the whole thing. My last two birthdays were fun. Good times, after a long time where my birthdays were not considered a big deal. Then this fall comes and I'm on my own re: sons, no lover and most friends gone or busy. I wasn't planning to sit around and be morose, though. Thought I might get a long massage, buy some music. Exciting, huh? A massage would have been good. Instead, yesterday afternoon, I ended up making plans to go out with two women I teach with. So, birthday night plans taken care of.

I came home yesterday to find Sean and Matt pulling into the drive behind me. They'd been to the store to get charcoal, steaks, veggies, German chocolate cake fixings and a card and gift. Terrific, they are.

I did hear from both of my parents, a good thing on a birthday. Got a card from one of my brothers yesterday, and an email from him today. Giftcard for WorldMarket, too, which I can't wait to spend. Didn't hear from any friends. Nada. That made the day drag by so slowly. It's not a fingerpointing, since I vary on how well I'm doing with others, myself. I just didn't expect a complete lack of any attention. When I got home, I saw that TerBear had made a thread for me, and that lightened my mood considerably. My evening out was great fun. Things to remember include me giving advice on which way to turn from the backseat. 'Yeah, it's a two-way.' ..... I really thought that second wine would be ok since I wasn't driving. It did, however, lead to the funniest situation I've been in for a long time, barring a certain canoe ride a couple of weeks ago. The fact that it was on a par with that says something about how much we laughed. We had a great dinner, good conversation and ended with a French film. It was a good night. And my day began with a note taped to my bathroom mirror, saying 'Happy birthday, Mom.' It was a good way to start my 45th year. I can take a flat middle sometimes, when the beginning and end are worth it. And it definitely left room for improvement next year. I'd hate to have such a great time that nothing else could ever come close. OK....I'd give it a try.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Reste avec moi.

I looked at his fingers, could feel them slide over my skin,
softly searching,
savoring touch.

His hair curled softly along his nape,
my fingers knew their texture.

I breathed in his scent,
smiling at this first knowledge.

He talked,
and the words tumbled into my mind.

He remembered,
and my being expanded.

The night passed,
and his distance grew.

Love offered and sidestepped,
mutely tendered and left to hang in the midnight air,
drifting through music to find a place to rest.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

A Year and a Half

“Guess who I'm chatting with, Mom?”

"Who?"

"Erin."

Stop.

"Erin who?"

"You know, Don's daughter."

Keep folding.

"You've had her AIM all of this time?"

It's been a year and a half.
A year and a half and a lifetime.
A year and a half and a day.

"I just remembered it."

"That's some memory you have."

"Yeah."

It runs in the family.

"I'm having trouble holding on to who I am."
He said.
I understand.
I always understand.

I don't want to lose myself, either.
Getting to myself was hardwon.
A year and a half later, I've gotten back parts that I let go.
Funny how quickly that happened.

I don't think I would do that now.
Two and a half years ago, it was so new to me.
I didn't feel like I had to be on guard.

And I don't cut and run.

I don't think it was about feeling lost.
That’s an easier excuse.

It
was
about

surrender

trust

acceptance

believing.

Easier to cut and run.

Is it a fault or a grace to see the best parts of someone?
To see that the entirety is greater than the sum of the parts?
To love the parts because they formed the whole?

Progression Regression
Reversal
Whole
Gain in loss.
Refinement in fire.

Love
Laughter
Joy
Peace

It's all here.

I don't seek perfection, I seek what's real.

I'm real.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Ask Me Almost Anything, Pt. II

OK- Second Try:

:-)

You do 2 things:
1. Answer the following A-D for me.
2. Cut and paste this into your blog, to continue the game.


A. Recommend a book and tell me why:

B. Recommend a movie and tell me why:

C. Recommend a cd/album and tell me why (Can you tell I'm a teacher?) :

D. Ask me anything, unless it would embarass another person:

Saturday, October 08, 2005